tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59403906451637838622024-02-07T00:52:03.317-08:00The Relationship Zone and Other AdviceThis blog is designed to provide food for thought regarding relationships.
My hope is for readers to be provided with something beneficial to use in dealing with relationships.
This blog will also be my adsense blog.
Betty Alarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16132689351854403823noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940390645163783862.post-13626273462479225342020-02-18T05:09:00.000-08:002020-02-20T06:12:14.416-08:00How to Fix Your Relationship<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Sometimes <b>relationships</b> work often they don't.<br />
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The reasons are complex.<br />
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<b>Relationships</b> require constant work;<br />
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the work is a constant effort to keep</div>
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the connection a positive one.</div>
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We all have our ups and downs.</div>
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If that were not the case</div>
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what would we work towards?</div>
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The effort to keep relationships</div>
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constantly moving in a positive direction</div>
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can become a battle of wear and tear.</div>
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A loose thread in a <b>relationship</b></div>
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can cause frustration and disappointment,</div>
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leaving a couple faced with a problem,</div>
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calling for resolution.</div>
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Feelings are strong emotions that</div>
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keep us attached to one another.</div>
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It's not always easy to remedy</div>
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what we feel when our ego has been</div>
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bruised by the one we love.</div>
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At the moment of feeling bruised emotions,</div>
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choice comes into play --</div>
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am I going to hang in there and work</div>
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this out or do I walk away.</div>
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In the moment of choice,</div>
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we come face to face with self.</div>
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Like a reflection in a mirror</div>
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we glimpse who self is being.</div>
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If we are looking at self and</div>
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not the other person, we</div>
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reflect on our own actions.</div>
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Think about it for a moment.</div>
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Isn't it true that when you have an argument</div>
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or disagreement and you temporarily</div>
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distance yourself to reflect on the situation,</div>
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that you're left with "yourself"</div>
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to ponder the details?</div>
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Within those moments of pondering,</div>
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don't you see yourself?</div>
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Aren't you evaluating</div>
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how you might have acted or reacted</div>
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to cause the thread to loosen?</div>
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When I look at myself in a <b>relationship</b></div>
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what that reveals to me</div>
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is that I'm constantly learning and growing.</div>
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Life is teaching me what it wants me to learn</div>
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in order for me to become a more knowledgeable, wiser person.</div>
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It's only when I don't see myself</div>
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due to denial, pride, selfishness or naivety</div>
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that the thread in the <b>relationship</b> continues to become unravelled</div>
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because I'm not growing;</div>
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I'm not becoming more responsible and accountable.</div>
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Ultimately, the <i>relationship</i> is severed</div>
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due to a lack of not seeing "me."</div>
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That's not to say that the relationship is being severed</div>
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solely on me not seeing myself,</div>
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my significant other might not</div>
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be willing to look at self.</div>
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The fact remains,</div>
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no matter what the reasons might be,</div>
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if you're observing yourself in the <b>relationship,</b></div>
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your reflection will bring you face to face with the inner you</div>
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and cause you to grow beyond whatever the reason might be.</div>
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The same stands true for relationships that work.</div>
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No matter what the reasons are,</div>
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you were constantly looking at "self" along the way</div>
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or it wouldn't have worked.</div>
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Each person in the <b>relationship</b></div>
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needs to come face to face with self</div>
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in order to make things better.</div>
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Then, perhaps they can come back,</div>
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together!</div>
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Written by Betty Alark</div>
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Betty Alarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16132689351854403823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940390645163783862.post-19204124236879224732020-02-18T05:06:00.001-08:002020-02-25T01:34:56.343-08:00How to Have Unity in Relationships - Working Things Out<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS0ZChCBd1PhEg1P3XNo-hgBC7uIEwe5a6lPjMnd7T52dlTk-rcSLoLD9cywOknnzHbsaxG0aptNkZzNlG3Uxuhw19A6xb5nyvPFnjCehYv76_VihMwoNZyW6oW0KBZ7KXtO-ScZrJI8k/s1600/girl_thoughtful_206866.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS0ZChCBd1PhEg1P3XNo-hgBC7uIEwe5a6lPjMnd7T52dlTk-rcSLoLD9cywOknnzHbsaxG0aptNkZzNlG3Uxuhw19A6xb5nyvPFnjCehYv76_VihMwoNZyW6oW0KBZ7KXtO-ScZrJI8k/s320/girl_thoughtful_206866.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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We have our moments,<br />
but we've always <b>worked things out</b></div>
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A big part of having <b>unity</b> in <b>relationships</b>,<br />
Is being able to relate and communicate with one another effectively</div>
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Yes, we have our moments that momentarily distance us,<br />
Howbeit, after we get a handle on our emotions, assess the situation and<br />
evaluate what we need to do next, eventually, we come back together,<br />
talk and <b>work things out</b>.</div>
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There's no hurdle that's come our way that we haven't conquered,<br />
no obstacle that our love hasn't defeated.</div>
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So, let's not allow this molehill to turn into a mountain,<br />
our love is stronger than that.</div>
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We can still <b>work things out</b>, right?<br />
Let's talk!</div>
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Written by Betty Alark</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Photo by Aubrey Kirkham</span></div>
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Betty Alarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16132689351854403823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940390645163783862.post-77852329447399110302020-02-18T05:06:00.000-08:002020-02-23T00:06:48.678-08:00The Good Things You Do Override Your Faults<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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We have our ups and downs,<br />
not always seeing eye to eye.<br />
Often disagreeing<br />
both vying for our individual opinion.</div>
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It's at those times our emotions,<br />
our ego comes into play.<br />
We find ourselves feeling sorry for<br />
the things we said to one another.</div>
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We temporarily distance ourselves<br />
to reflect on our wounds;<br />
After reflecting upon the moment,<br />
what overshadows my emotions, my ego<br />
is all the <i>good things</i> you've done for me.</div>
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I see your heart!<br />
Your heart overshadows<br />
any complaint I might have<br />
regarding your imperfections and mine.</div>
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Nevertheless, the complaint remains,<br />
it still needs to be addressed.<br />
We need to come together,<br />
not keep the complaint at bay.</div>
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In order to move forward,<br />
we need to address the complaint;<br />
so it doesn't continue to haunt us.</div>
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Let's not allow our differences-- lead us astray;<br />
we can come together and hear<br />
the complaint that needs to be said.</div>
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I'm big enough to forgive<br />
the temporary wounding of my ego<i>,</i><br />
my hope is-- that you are too<i>.</i></div>
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Our unity means more to me,<br />
than any harsh words could possibly say.<br />
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Our commitment, our devotion,<br />
our love to one another,<br />
is what I hope will triumph over the dispute.</div>
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So here is my complaint--<br />
please don't turn a death ear<br />
when I express things that matter to me,<br />
objectively consider its value to me.<br />
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Keep in mind--<br />
your heart overshadows the complaint being expressed,<br />
any changes will just make our relationship stronger,<br />
and old habits will be laid to rest.</div>
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Your heart overshadows<br />
any complaints I have about you.<br />
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When it's my turn to hear your complaints,<br />
I'll remember the thing<br />
I've asked of you.</div>
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Let's keep in mind the greater things,<br />
that compliment you and I!</div>
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Written by Betty Alark</div>
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Photo by: Yana Ray</div>
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Betty Alarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16132689351854403823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940390645163783862.post-10784393611846442202013-11-25T11:42:00.000-08:002020-02-18T05:11:55.455-08:00How to Raise Your Self Esteem - Stand Your Ground<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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It's a constant battle to maintain feeling good about "you." However, feeling good about yourself is a "powerful weapon" in the battle against someone else not thinking positive about "you" and putting "you" down with words? </div>
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When an opponent is constantly "belittling or criticizing" your character, it can impact your psyche. You begin to question yourself and ask "is that me." You hear it repeatedly and before long you might start to believe it.</div>
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I term it -- <b>psychic warfare -- </b>resulting from the constant battle fought against the opponent's words used to attack the psyche.</div>
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The mind can be vulnerable to criticism. If you look in the mirror and perceive yourself as ugly, most likely, you will believe the mirror image. When someone is constantly throwing degrading words at you, it has the same effect as the mirror image. Why, because you believed it.</div>
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We care "how" others view us. When others think well of us we tend to feel good about ourselves based on how "they" feel about us. On the contrary-- their not thinking positive about us has the opposite effect.</div>
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<b>So how do you maintain positive <i>self-esteem</i> amid the opposition</b>?</div>
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<b>First</b></div>
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<b>Know yourself</b>. It helps for "you" to know who you are; not to allow people to define you, but to define yourself.</div>
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It's important to <i>stand your ground</i> of "knowing <b>who you are</b>." Being able to define yourself is "powerful ammunition" that can be used to battle the opposition.</div>
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<b>For example</b>: If someone constantly tells you that you're stupid and you know you're not, convey "your knowingness" to the person: " what's your thought of me, however, that's not how I view myself and I won't accept your degrading comments as being who I am; I won't allow your words to bring "me" down to the level that you're attempting to bring me."</div>
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<b>Second</b></div>
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<b>Don't "own"</b> other people's thoughts about you; claim your own. Of course, if you own someone else's view of you, (if you are lazy) and you "want" to change it, then work on changing it; not because you feel forced, but because you feel a personal need to change it.</div>
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It's not an easy battle to always lift "you" up against degradation by others; in fact, it can be difficult-- especially when you're being bombarded constantly with disparaging words, and if the battle consists of several opponents throwing darts at your psyche; it can become overwhelming.</div>
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The thing is-- we don't have control over other people's perceptions and mean-spiritedness; people act and react for various reasons. Words can be directed toward us out of anger, dislike, jealousy, envy, or a person's personal issues. "Owning" who you are against those reasons is your best defence.</div>
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<b>Third</b></div>
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<b>Believing--</b> Don't believe the hype. If you believe what people say about you, it indicates that you "don't know who you are." Or as stated, what people are saying might be true, it might -- be you; people tend to call things as they are. So if the hype is true, you might want to change the truth.</div>
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Your <b>"self-esteem"</b> belongs to you, and yes other peoples words can brush up against it, but the brush only has control over your <b>"</b>self-esteem<b>"</b> if you allow it to have control. Don't "believe" the hype about you-- if it's not your hype-- <i><b>stand your ground</b>.</i></div>
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Written by Betty Alark</div>
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Author of the photo: George Hodan</div>
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Betty Alarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16132689351854403823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940390645163783862.post-45362693274667757502013-11-25T11:26:00.000-08:002020-02-18T11:40:28.994-08:00The Purpose of Dating - Dating Provides Building Blocks<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Dating is a time to put emotions and feelings on a back burner until you can evaluate your date. It's important to get a good feel for a person and to be in their company long enough to determine the worth of their character, and that takes time. When dating it's important to use self-control and not let your emotions overrule your thinking or fog your focus. An intelligent evaluation of a person's character can't be determined if your emotions are clouding your judgment.</div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.399999618530273px;">Dating can be deemed as a fun time to be social and to do social things like parties, fairs, going out to a restaurant, maybe even playing some fun table games; that way, you get to see one another in different settings, which provides for an opportunity to see different sides of one another's personality. Being able to witness one another in different settings is a key factor in getting to know someone; until you actually get to see a person's various sides, you really don't know them at all.</span></div>
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If you give yourself time to get to know one another you might come to realize things like: you make one another laugh; that the person you're keeping company with is objective, non- judgmental and easy to talk to. Could be that you have similar things in common like liking the same moves, books, foods, art and the like. These are all things that you find out in the course of dating over a period of time. They are potential building blocks for friendship and possibly a relationship.</div>
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That's the purpose of dating; to find out if the potential building blocks for friendship and an eventual relationship exist. <span style="font-size: 14.399999618530273px;">If you find out -- during the process of dating that the building blocks don't exist, the person can still be an acquaintance, however, not someone you want to build a serious relationship with that could ultimately lead to marriage.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.399999618530273px;">Written by Betty Alark </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.399999618530273px;">Photo by: Maliz Ong</span></div>
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Betty Alarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16132689351854403823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940390645163783862.post-40082228598325303172013-11-25T08:51:00.000-08:002020-02-25T00:53:46.635-08:00Missing You<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b>I miss you</b>!<br />
The inner me yearns for you.<br />
You've made your mark on my heart. </div>
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I place value on the things we do when we're together;<br />
when we share one another's creativity and uniqueness.</div>
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I find myself reminiscing on your character and qualities.<br />
There's no match for the intimate bond that I feel when I'm with you.</div>
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<b>I miss you</b> and I don't desire to be without you;<br />
you're a novel personality that's come my way.</div>
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Every day with you is like an adventure;<br />
always something new to discover!</div>
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My waiting anticipates your return to me, my love!<br />
I know my waiting won't be in vain.</div>
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Hasten your return, my love,<br />
make this yearning void.</div>
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I impatiently wait for that knock on the door or for the phone to ring;<br />
to have you back once more!</div>
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<b>I miss you,</b> my love!<br />
Know that I am waiting<i>!</i></div>
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Written by Betty Alark</div>
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Photo by: Peter Griffin</div>
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Betty Alarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16132689351854403823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940390645163783862.post-74624404515683765052013-11-25T08:45:00.001-08:002020-02-20T09:22:00.116-08:00Love is Something You Do Not Something You Feel<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;">Every person I've held a conversation with regarding love was of the opinion that love is something you feel. </span><span style="font-size: large;"> There was a time I fell into that category. No one could have convinced me that those strong emotional feelings I possessed for boyfriend weren't love. Howbeit, after hearing the statement: "Love is something you do, not something you feel." I needed to determine its validity.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I first heard the term: "Love is something you do not something you feel" when I got married. I'd never considered love being an action however when my husband made that assertion, I took a minute to think about it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Just thinking about it wasn't sufficient to convince me of the probability of the statement being true. My memory held no reference of validation since I'd never had an experience in a relationship that revealed anything contrary to what I felt for the person.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Feelings and emotions can be extremely intense. Howbeit take a moment and ask yourself why do I consider intense emotion to be--love? Really, think about it!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>There's is, however, a connection between love, and emotions.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Try this reasoning on for size</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Envision being on a date. You're both attracted by one another's intriguing idiosyncrasies-- personal traits such as -mannerisms, physique, appearance, voice, personality, etc. After being in the presence of one another's indulging traits-- for a duration, you start to experience mental and emotional attachment; if you indulge in sexual intercourse the emotions and attachment grow stronger.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Are we to deduce that those feelings equate as--love?</b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span><span style="font-size: large;">Is it not your flesh that's being stimulated by the observation of the object of your affections (their traits)? You gravitate towards one another in order to indulge what you feel. Is that love?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: large;">Neither of you has initiated any action propelling the gravitation. The attraction has. The feelings are based on the attraction of-- appealing traits. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">You're both separate entities. You separately experience whatever mental and emotional stimulation you feel towards one another. Is that love?</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Let's delve a little further</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">You indulge in intercourse. The intercourse is intensely pleasing, howbeit the gratification you experience, even though mutual, is separate. You both enjoy experiencing a gratifying climactic release by the object of your affections.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">You indulge frequently. Eventually, you express how you feel towards one another. You periodically say "I love you" What are those words based on? Is it not based on what separately feel? </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Here's where it gets complicated</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Two people interacting and indulging based on their feelings (especially the female) assume that the object of (her) their affection, is mutually relating to what the other person is experiencing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">You're two different people. You're both having an individual experience. </span><span style="font-size: large;">The emotions being experienced aren't outside of you. It's an individual experience.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">What happens when those feelings ware off? Or if either of you sees someone more indulging and you desire to indulge your affection. Would you surmise that you're now left to deal alone with the love or feelings/emotions you held for that person?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>The Heart</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When I first encountered, my husband I thought he was so handsome! The initial attraction was his eyes. Howbeit what really attracted me to him was what I saw when I looked into his eyes. I saw beyond the physical. What I was seeing into was what I wanted to know.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">When we got married, I didn't have emotionally strong feelings for him, however, I cared a lot about him. After we married, my husband was an excellent provider. I never wanted for anything materially or financially; even though I worked and could provide for myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I came to appreciate him to the utmost not because he could provide in the manner that he did however because he gave from his heart. Whenever there was a need he met it; I never had to say a word. In addition, he pleased me intimately; the attraction was there, the feelings and emotions were there.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I came to the conclusion that attraction, being attached to someone emotionally, sexually and mentally and listening to them say I love you are like the icing on a cake; however, they aren't the cake. However, the icing on the cake doesn't keep you together. The cake does.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The cake for me is what the person does from their heart--their actions. The icing (feelings, attraction, attachment) can be temporary however what's done from the heart remains. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Even at some point if the relationship doesn't last, the thing that stays with you is what the person did for you and to me, that's what love is<i>.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">We can recall how great a person made us feel sexual, made us laugh, had a great conversation, etc. all those things are benefits and are meaningful and purposeful-- its the icing on the cake. </span></div>
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<i>Written by Betty Alark</i></div>
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<i>Photo by Basdorf</i><span style="background-color: #e9e9e9; color: #343434; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"> </span></div>
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Betty Alarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16132689351854403823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940390645163783862.post-37640970145466397532013-11-25T05:17:00.000-08:002014-03-16T05:30:51.708-07:00How to Strategically Gain a Partner in Life<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Gaining a partner in life requires <b>strategic</b> planning; a plan that incorporates: evaluating, creative <b>strategic </b>thinking, and innovative -- out of the box approaches. After creating a plan -- advance forward; put your plan into action!</div>
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<b>Carrying out the plan</b></div>
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Commence by evaluating and documenting the reasons <b>"why"</b> you need a partner. For example: companionship, security, compatibility, etc. Knowing the "whys" is important. Otherwise-- your choices will be random.</div>
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After evaluating the "whys" move on to phase two -- the <b>"what's."</b> Take time to evaluate "what" you're seeking in a partner; specific qualities, etc. A creative format to undergo the evaluation process might be to write the "what's" in a resume format; as if you're seeking to hire someone for the position. For example:</div>
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<b>Seeking someone that is</b></div>
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<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> financially established</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> someone that accepts me for who I am,</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> a good listener/understanding/compassionate</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> a provider</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> someone that can stimulate and challenge my mind</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> a person that likes to have fun</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> romantic</li>
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After determining the "why's and the "what's" you're ready to progress to phase three.</div>
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<b>Putting your plan into action</b></div>
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Phase three entails choosing the appropriate <b>environment</b> and the process of "<b>interrogation and elimination</b>." Interrogation and elimination equals-- time well spent; which produces, positive gains.</div>
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<b>The Environment</b></div>
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Seek out environments where you anticipate the type of person you're hoping to meet is most likely to hang out. After meeting likely candidates, conduct the interrogation process in a relaxed manner, feel free to let your hair down and be comfortable, but maintain an air of composure and stay mission minded.</div>
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<b>Interrogation</b></div>
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Your list of "why's and what's" has prepared you for the <b>interrogation</b> process. Conduct the interrogation process in a down- to- earth yet, professional manner, as if screening to hire someone that's qualified for the position.</div>
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As the two of you are indulging in conversation, you start posing your questions. Find innovative, creative ways to find out what you need to know. Ten questions down the list; you know whether the potential candidate meets your qualifications or not; if not, you enjoyed the company and had a nice evening out. You don't want to continue spending "time" with someone that you realize (based on your interrogation) isn't going to meet your qualifications. You're on a mission; on to the next candidate!</div>
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<b>Process of elimination</b></div>
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Process of <b>elimination</b> cuts through the chase; each person you interrogate might like your appearance and conversation, but you already have the information you need, so why hire someone that has hopes, has a nice appearance and conversation, yet doesn't stand up to your resume of qualifications?</div>
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Stay mission minded! Be <b>strategic,</b> creative and innovative. Don't settle for less.</div>
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Written by Betty Alark</div>
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Betty Alarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16132689351854403823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940390645163783862.post-44153411178583061902013-11-25T04:46:00.000-08:002014-03-16T05:30:51.715-07:00Need to Find Direction in Your Life? Something to Consider<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br style="background-color: white;" /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 14.399999618530273px; line-height: 20px;">Existing in the world without a sense of </span><b style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 14.399999618530273px; line-height: 20px;">direction</b><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial; font-size: 14.399999618530273px; line-height: 20px;"> and purpose is analogous to being lost at sea without a compass; similar to being lost in a forest going around in circles and ending up where you initially started. Eventually, you feel abandoned, bewildered and apathetic, thinking you are never going to find your way.</span><br />
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Wondering through life having no sense of <b>direction</b> can lead to feelings of depression and hopelessness, causing you to feel like you are going down a road without a destination. Even when you arrive at a fork in the road, the choice will be random, since you are oblivious as to where you are headed. You take the fork on the left only to realize that the random path that you chose added nothing to the lack of direction formerly held. Your life seems to be a continuum of forks in the road, but you keep randomly choosing in hopes of receiving a glimpse, or a sign providing some direction.</div>
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Finding <i>direction</i> and purpose in a world that offers everything contrary to the nature of who you know yourself to be inwardly, can be challenging. It becomes an even greater challenge when you struggle to find an arena that acts as a stage where the inner you can thrive. The reality of such a dilemma is acceptance; accepting a temporary arena until your personal direction and purpose in life is found.</div>
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When a constant state of feeling lost is your life, the sadness beckons query. You ask yourself:<br />What is the purpose in being here?<br />What is it all for?<br />Why it is that life holds no purpose for me?</div>
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Whether you realize it or not, the questions you ask yourself are thought provoking questions. The key is to let the questions trigger thought from within, rather than projecting outward, in anger at the world.</div>
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Find a quiet setting and reflect on the questions. Allow the questions to trigger an inner response and jump start answers for you.</div>
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<b>Think about: </b><br />What it is that you don't like about the world.<br />What it is about the world that goes contrary to whom you know yourself to be "inwardly" and how you would like to affect the world in a positive manner.</div>
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Let your life reflect the change you desire to see. Let the change reflect your voice, actions and reactions; soon, the world will be the stage where you bear witness to you performing you. It will no longer matter what fork in the road you take or what arena you step into, since you will be taking yourself--your convictions/ consciousness, perceptions, and your heart, with you; they become your direction.</div>
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The more you live your convictions without deviation, the more <i>direction</i> and purpose you find in living. Direction is living who you are at the very core of your being; direction isn't external.</div>
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Life has meaning when your convictions come alive; when you're not following the status quo, and all your actions and reactions are in accordance with the unique being that you were born to be!<br />So, be still. Position yourself in a relaxed environment and ponder those questions.<br />Who am I? Why am I here? What purpose does this world hold for me?</div>
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Think about the hindrances that prevent you from finding your way. What it is that you don't concur with regarding the world and how you would prefer to bring about positive change.<br />You've been endowed with gifts and talents. Create your arena by being who you know your inner self to be. Go within and connect with your being!</div>
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Written by Betty Alark</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">Author of photo<span style="color: #343434; font-family: Arial;"><span style="line-height: 18px;">: </span><span style="line-height: 18px;">Geralt</span></span></span></div>
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Betty Alarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16132689351854403823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940390645163783862.post-25187549945991427582013-08-26T10:24:00.001-07:002014-03-16T05:30:51.705-07:00What to Do when Your Heart Keeps Getting Crushed <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO914Kg3sT0imsbMp1xN4PZOdWhwpDaHaEUejqn7B4qP91wbDIQ6UtKe0OP-FBrPw4MSYtKHQRJ4APIfPREr0OvO5gN4si7pz_8kSqPfgszBVlwQo1L4-VXLXJmzu29l5VThFNxv3SUQs/s1600/mask_carnival_face_238746.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO914Kg3sT0imsbMp1xN4PZOdWhwpDaHaEUejqn7B4qP91wbDIQ6UtKe0OP-FBrPw4MSYtKHQRJ4APIfPREr0OvO5gN4si7pz_8kSqPfgszBVlwQo1L4-VXLXJmzu29l5VThFNxv3SUQs/s320/mask_carnival_face_238746.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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They're all kinds of forces working through people; forces of greed, envy, jealousy, and just mean spiritedness. They've all come toward me in one <i>mask</i> or another. </div>
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<b>Masqueraders</b> wear all kinds of <i>mask</i> to cover up their true colors. Initially -- they present themselves as beautiful angels, someone sweet, good, funny -- it's called: "let me get to know you first persona." Then, shortly after the "get to know you first, "persona phase" -- you find yourself asking, " who is this person I've revealed myself to?" </div>
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When you have a "good heart" and you keep being deceived by people wearing <b>mask</b>, it can have a devastating effect. You might begin to think: " Why me? Why do I keep getting taken for the fool when all I do is try to treat people right?" "The more kindness I give, the more people take advantage of me."</div>
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Your mind wonders in confusion with thoughts like: I'm just who I am; so -- what do I do? Are there any "good" people in the world or is this just the way the world is? I don't know, but it leaves me depressed and wondering if anyone will ever come my way that doesn't play me for a fool. What's wrong with me? Do I need to change? Am I blind? Am I an idiot? I mean, what's going on? </div>
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<b>Life can be a trip</b>. The question is: are you going to trip with the rest of the world or maintain being who you are? </div>
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Are you going to change? In other words -- become what everyone else "does" to you; play the get-over games, the con-games, just to get what you want from others? Which means -- you too would find your, "getting to know you first, persona <i>mask"</i>, before revealing your true colors. </div>
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It takes a strong person not to succumb to sinking below a "good" heart" -- to sell their soul, so to speak; but, it can be accomplished. Sometimes it might call for walking alone or having only one friend, but ultimately, it's worth it; because, when you join in the con- games of life, you lose yourself. </div>
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So, yes, it can be overwhelming not to know what to do when people wearing <i>mask</i> keep showing up at the door of your heart because it shines so brightly and they want to put your light out at any cost; but, there are ways to defend your heart against the hidden agendas of <b>masqueraded</b> personas. </div>
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<b>For instance:</b></div>
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<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Don't reveal yourself before you know a person's true colors. If you wait long enough you will see signs of who someone really is.</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Do research on different personality types so that you can identify the red flags</li>
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<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Know yourself versus who the other person is - dose their value system and convictions match yours?</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Don't ignore the red flags as a result of emotional attachment</li>
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<b>End result</b>: </div>
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Educate yourself . You don't need to change you -- you just need to be able to discern "what type of Character is <b>masquerading</b> behind the <i>mask</i>.<br />
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Read my book: What Type of Character Are You Hanging Out With?<br />
By Betty Alark<br />
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You can find it on Xlibris.com<br />
and Amazon.com</div>
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Written by Betty Alark<br />
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Author of picture - Violetta<br />
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Betty Alarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16132689351854403823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940390645163783862.post-76475252886812622352013-08-26T10:10:00.002-07:002014-03-16T05:30:51.732-07:00How to Mutually Work Out Problems in a Relationship<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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When we have a <i>problem</i>,<br />Let's work it out-- <b><i>mutually</i></b>. </div>
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I have worth and value,<br />and so do you. </div>
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That is why we need to <i><b>mutually,</b></i><br />consider one another in the decision making process. </div>
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Our relationship isn't a power game;<br />you trying to dominate me, or me dominating you;<br />you trying to win over me, or me winning over you. </div>
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When you ask me, or I ask you,<br />"What do you think?"<br />Or, "how do you think we should go about resolving the <i>problem</i>?"<br />It states that we both have something of value to offer;<br />that we recognize and acknowledge one anothers value.</div>
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It allows us to <b><i>mutually</i></b> participate, and contribute, in the decision making process.<br />Not me doing it my way or you doing it your way, but <i><b>mutually</b></i>.</div>
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And after we analyze the problem, and draw our conclusions,<br />We will do what is in the best interest of us both.<br />Or, what we agree is the best way to solve the problem. </div>
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That's called working together <b><i>mutually, </i></b>in order for the relationship work.</div>
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** Above all and first and foremost pray together! Pray individually and ask the Creator to order your steps to guide and direct you!!</div>
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Written by Betty Alark</div>
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Picture by Petr Kratochvil</div>
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Betty Alarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16132689351854403823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940390645163783862.post-70791785306013653422013-08-26T09:46:00.001-07:002014-03-16T05:30:51.726-07:00How to Deal with Change<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Change is a constant reality. You might say -- it's inevitable.</div>
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After living in a comfort zone for a period of time -- for instance: a job, position, house, relationships, and then something happens to thrust you out of your comfort zone, it can affect you emotionally and create stress in your life. How we deal with change can make all the difference.</div>
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<b>Ways to deal with change</b></div>
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Having a positive attitude is "priceless" when confronted with <i><b>change</b></i>. How we perceive <i>change</i> is a key factor in moving forward -- or not. </div>
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<b>Thinking positive</b> about <i>change</i>, enables -- moving forward; thinking the worst -- delays moving forward, and generates depressing emotions. It's natural to feel some emotional discomfort when change occurs; however, not allowing those feelings to have control over moving forward is what matters. </div>
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While transitioning through <b>change</b>, do positive things to keep your spirit uplifted. Stay active by jogging -- being out in nature. Talk about your situation with friends and family; other people can sometimes offer solutions or a different perspective. </div>
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<b>Use self help strategies</b>. I know from experience that it makes life better when I tell myself that things will get better and I work towards what I have faith in. Prayer of course -- is my number one self-help strategy. </div>
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At some point, after <i>change</i> occurs, we do need to get up and do the things that are needed to take us in a new direction. Doing so requires "<b>drive"</b>; something that will drown out the voice of defeat. </div>
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<b>Drive</b> supports -- "<b>motivation";</b> having something to look forward to; a vision of what you'd like to move forward -- into. </div>
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The next step is to "<b>plan"</b> in accordance with your vision, and maintain that positive attitude of: I'm not going to give up; I'm going to move forward; things will get better, and do all that you can do to make it happen. Doing so will constantly fuel your motivation! </div>
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You can do it!! Don't let <i>change</i> defeat you.<br />
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*** Above all go within and stay in prayer! Asking the Creator for direction, and to order your steps. That should always come first!!,</div>
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Written by Betty Alark</div>
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Author of picture -Geralt</div>
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Betty Alarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16132689351854403823noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5940390645163783862.post-67297323138562298192013-08-26T09:29:00.000-07:002020-02-20T06:06:22.608-08:00How Well Do You Know Yourself?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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How Well Do You Know Yourself?</div>
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When it comes to finding direction in life it stands to reason that <b>"knowing yourself"</b> is a key factor in determining direction.<br />
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If you don't have a map that provides you with details and direction on how to find your way, intuition and random guessing supports your choices and decisions. Bottom line-- having a guide that directs you is more effective; especially when the guide -- comes directly from within.<br />
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So, let's say you want to map out a map that will enable you to "<b>know yourself"</b> better -- provide you with direction for your life.<br />
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<b>What are some of the things you might need to accomplish creating the map?</b><br />
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Well-- you need specific tools such as:</div>
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<b>Being able to:</b></div>
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<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> think</li>
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<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> seeking</li>
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All of the aforementioned skills will enable you with the ability to self-assess and develop yourself-- free of cost.<br />
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<b>Next step:</b></div>
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Get a journal or a writing pad and write down your plan of action; then, start asking yourself insightful questions?<br />
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<b>What are some of the questions you might ask yourself?</b></div>
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<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Who am I?</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">What are my strengths and abilities?</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">What are my likes and dislikes?</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">What are my weaknesses?</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">What makes me happy?</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Who do I want to be?</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">What am I good at doing?</li>
<li style="list-style: disc; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">What environments do I function best in?</li>
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Asking yourself questions assesses who you are and provides you with a visual of "you." Once you can physically see the nature of "who you are" on paper, it provides you with a better understanding of yourself and acts as a guide for <i>further</i> direction.</div>
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As you start to bear witness to "who you are" then, you can determine-- ok, what arena or medium can I create for myself or what profession can I apply myself within that is indicative of who I <b>know myself</b> to be?</div>
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What arena would enable me to contribute my greatness, skills, talents and abilities, and simultaneously make a difference in the lives of others?</div>
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Once you have a visual of <b>"knowing yourself",</b> how you would like to apply yourself, and in what arena you would like to flourish in, then you're ready for your plan of action!</div>
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<b>Create your action plan</b></div>
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So, you now have a better sense of <b>knowing yourself</b> -- "who you are", and where you would like to apply yourself. Determine "what" you want/need to do and "where" you need to go in order to accomplish your plan of action. Then, do it! Carry it out.<br />
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***Remember to pray for direction as you go within!</div>
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Written by Betty Alark</div>
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Self Portrait by Tom Genovese</div>
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Betty Alarkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16132689351854403823noreply@blogger.com0