Monday, November 25, 2013

How to Fix Your Relationship


Sometimes relationships work
often they don't.
The reasons are complex.

Relationships require constant work;
the work is a constant effort to keep
the connection a positive one.
We all have our ups and downs.
If that were not the case
what would we work towards?

The effort to keep relationships
constantly moving in a positive direction
can become a battle of wear and tear.
A loose thread in a relationship
can cause frustration and disappointment,
leaving a couple faced with a problem,
calling for resolution.

Feelings are strong emotions that
keep us attached to one another.
It's not always easy to remedy
what we feel when our ego has been
bruised by the one we love.

At the moment of feeling bruised emotions,
choice comes into play --
am I going to hang in there and work
this out or do I walk away.
In the moment of choice,
we come face to face with self.
Like a reflection in a mirror
we glimpse who self is being.

If we are looking at self and
not the other person, we
reflect on our own actions.

Think about it for a moment.
Isn't it true that when you have an argument
or a disagreement and you temporarily
distance yourself to reflect on the situation,
that you're left with "yourself"
to ponder the details?

Within those moments of pondering,
don't you see yourself?
Aren't you evaluating
how you might have acted or reacted
to cause the thread to loosen?

When I look at myself in a relationship
what that reveals to me
is that I'm constantly learning and growing.
Life is teaching me what it wants me to learn
in order for me to become a more knowledgeable, wiser person.

It's only when I don't see myself
due to denial, pride, selfishness or naivety
that the thread in the relationship continues to become unravelled
because I'm not growing;
I'm not becoming more responsible and accountable.
Ultimately, the relationship is severed
due to a lack of not seeing "me."

That's not to say that the relationship is being severed
solely on me not seeing myself,
my significant other might not
be willing to look at self.

The fact remains,
no matter what the reasons might be,
if you're observing yourself in the relationship,
your reflection will bring you face to face with the inner you
and cause you to grow beyond whatever the reason might be.

The same stands true for relationships that work.
No matter what the reasons are,
you were constantly looking at "self" along the way
or it wouldn't have worked.

Each person in the relationship
needs to come face to face with self
in order to make things better.
Then, perhaps they can come back,
together!

Written by Betty Alark

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