Love is Something You Do Not Something You Feel

Every person I've held a conversation with regarding love was of the opinion that love is something you feel.  There was a time I fell into that category.  No one could have convinced me that those strong emotional feelings I possessed for boyfriend weren't love. Howbeit, after hearing the statement: "Love is something you do, not something you feel." I needed to determine its validity.

I first heard the term: "Love is something you do not something you feel" when I got married. I'd never considered love being an action however when my husband made that assertion, I took a minute to think about it.

Just thinking about it wasn't sufficient to convince me of the probability of the statement being true. My memory held no reference of validation since I'd never had an experience in a relationship that revealed anything contrary to what I felt for the person.

Feelings and emotions can be extremely intense. Howbeit take a moment and ask yourself why do I consider intense emotion to be--love? Really, think about it!

There's is, however, a connection between love, and emotions.

Try this reasoning on for size

Envision being on a date. You're both attracted by one another's intriguing idiosyncrasies-- personal traits such as -mannerisms, physique, appearance, voice, personality, etc. After being in the presence of one another's indulging traits-- for a duration, you start to experience mental and emotional attachment; if you indulge in sexual intercourse the emotions and attachment grow stronger.

Are we to deduce that those feelings equate as--love?

Is it not your flesh that's being stimulated by the observation of the object of your affections (their traits)? You gravitate towards one another in order to indulge what you feel. Is that love?

Neither of you has initiated any action propelling the gravitation. The attraction has.  The feelings are based on the attraction of-- appealing traits. 

You're both separate entities.  You separately experience whatever mental and emotional stimulation you feel towards one another.  Is that love?

Let's delve a  little further

You indulge in intercourse. The intercourse is intensely pleasing, howbeit the gratification you experience, even though mutual, is separate. You both enjoy experiencing a gratifying climactic release by the object of your affections. 

You indulge frequently. Eventually, you express how you feel towards one another.  You periodically say "I love you"  What are those words based on? Is it not based on what separately feel? 

Here's where it gets complicated

Two people interacting and indulging based on their feelings (especially the female) assume that the object of (her) their affection, is mutually relating to what the other person is experiencing. 

You're two different people. You're both having an individual experience.  The emotions being experienced aren't outside of you.  It's an individual experience.

What happens when those feelings ware off? Or if either of you sees someone more indulging and you desire to indulge your affection. Would you surmise that you're now left to deal alone with the love or feelings/emotions you held for that person?

The Heart

When I first encountered, my husband I thought he was so handsome! The initial attraction was his eyes. Howbeit what really attracted me to him was what I saw when I looked into his eyes. I saw beyond the physical. What I was seeing into was what I wanted to know.

When we got married, I didn't have emotionally strong feelings for him, however, I cared a lot about him. After we married, my husband was an excellent provider. I never wanted for anything materially or financially; even though I worked and could provide for myself.

I came to appreciate him to the utmost not because he could provide in the manner that he did however because he gave from his heart. Whenever there was a need he met it; I never had to say a word. In addition, he pleased me intimately; the attraction was there, the feelings and emotions were there.

I came to the conclusion that attraction, being attached to someone emotionally, sexually and mentally and listening to them say I love you are like the icing on a cake; however, they aren't the cake. However, the icing on the cake doesn't keep you together. The cake does.

The cake for me is what the person does from their heart--their actions.  The icing (feelings, attraction, attachment) can be temporary however what's done from the heart remains. 

Even at some point if the relationship doesn't last, the thing that stays with you is what the person did for you and to me, that's what love is.

We can recall how great a person made us feel sexual, made us laugh, had a great conversation, etc.  all those things are benefits and are meaningful and purposeful-- its the icing on the cake.  

Written by Betty Alark

Photo by Basdorf