Monday, August 26, 2013

What to Do when Your Heart Keeps Getting Crushed

They're all kinds of forces working through people; forces of greed, envy, jealousy, and just mean spiritedness. They've all come toward me in one mask or another. 

Masqueraders wear all kinds of mask to cover up their true colors. Initially -- they present themselves as beautiful angels, someone sweet, good, funny -- it's called: "let me get to know you first persona." Then, shortly after the "get to know you first, "persona phase" -- you find yourself asking, " who is this person I've revealed myself to?" 

When you have a "good heart" and you keep being deceived by people wearing mask, it can have a devastating effect. You might begin to think: " Why me? Why do I keep getting taken for the fool when all I do is try to treat people right?" "The more kindness I give, the more people take advantage of me."

Your mind wonders in confusion with thoughts like: I'm just who I am; so -- what do I do? Are there any "good" people in the world or is this just the way the world is? I don't know, but it leaves me depressed and wondering if anyone will ever come my way that doesn't play me for a fool. What's wrong with me? Do I need to change? Am I blind? Am I an idiot? I mean, what's going on? 

Life can be a trip. The question is: are you going to trip with the rest of the world or maintain being who you are? 

Are you going to change? In other words -- become what everyone else "does" to you; play the get-over games, the con-games, just to get what you want from others? Which means -- you too would find your, "getting to know you first, persona mask", before revealing your true colors. 

It takes a strong person not to succumb to sinking below a "good" heart" -- to sell their soul, so to speak; but, it can be accomplished. Sometimes it might call for walking alone or having only one friend, but ultimately, it's worth it; because, when you join in the con- games of life, you lose yourself. 

So, yes, it can be overwhelming not to know what to do when people wearing mask keep showing up at the door of your heart because it shines so brightly and they want to put your light out at any cost; but, there are ways to defend your heart against the hidden agendas of masqueraded personas. 

For instance:
  • Don't reveal yourself before you know a person's true colors. If you wait long enough you will see signs of who someone really is.
  • Do research on different personality types so that you can identify the red flags
  • Know yourself versus who the other person is - dose their value system and convictions match yours?
  • Don't ignore the red flags as a result of emotional attachment

End result

Educate yourself . You don't need to change you -- you just need to be able to discern "what type of Character is masquerading behind the mask.

Read my book: What Type of Character Are You Hanging Out With?
By Betty Alark

You can find it on

Written by Betty Alark

Author of picture - Violetta

How to Mutually Work Out Problems in a Relationship

When we have a problem,
Let's work it out-- mutually

I have worth and value,
and so do you. 

That is why we need to mutually,
consider one another in the decision making process. 

Our relationship isn't a power game;
you trying to dominate me, or me dominating you;
you trying to win over me, or me winning over you. 

When you ask me, or I ask you,
"What do you think?"
Or, "how do you think we should go about resolving the problem?"
It states that we both have something of value to offer;
that we recognize and acknowledge one anothers value.

It allows us to mutually participate, and contribute, in the decision making process.
Not me doing it my way or you doing it your way, but mutually.

And after we analyze the problem, and draw our conclusions,
We will do what is in the best interest of us both.
Or, what we agree is the best way to solve the problem. 

That's called working together mutually, in order for the relationship work.

** Above all and first and foremost pray together! Pray individually and ask the Creator to order your steps to guide and direct you!!

Written by Betty Alark

Picture by Petr Kratochvil

How to Deal with Change

Change is a constant reality. You might say -- it's inevitable.
After living in a comfort zone for a period of time -- for instance: a job, position, house, relationships, and  then something happens to  thrust  you out of your comfort zone, it can affect you emotionally and create stress in your life. How we deal with change can make all the difference.

Ways to deal with change

Having a positive attitude is "priceless" when confronted with change. How we perceive change is a key factor in moving forward -- or not. 

Thinking positive about change, enables -- moving forward; thinking the worst -- delays moving forward, and generates depressing emotions. It's natural to feel some emotional discomfort when change occurs; however, not allowing those feelings to have control over moving forward is what matters. 

While transitioning through change, do positive things to keep your spirit uplifted. Stay active by jogging -- being out in nature. Talk about your situation with friends and family; other people can sometimes offer solutions or a different perspective. 

Use self help strategies. I know from experience that it makes life better when I tell myself that things will get better and I work towards what I have faith in. Prayer of course -- is my number one self-help strategy. 

At some point, after change occurs, we do need to get up and do the things that are needed to take us in a new direction. Doing so requires "drive"; something that will drown out the voice of defeat. 

Drive supports -- "motivation"; having something to look forward to; a vision of what you'd like to move forward -- into. 

The next step is to "plan" in accordance with your vision, and maintain that positive attitude of: I'm not going to give up; I'm going to move forward; things will get better, and do all that you can do to make it happen. Doing so will constantly fuel your motivation! 

You can do it!! Don't let change defeat you.

*** Above all go within and stay in prayer! Asking the Creator for direction, and to order your steps. That should always come first!!,

Written by Betty Alark

Author of picture -Geralt

How Well Do You Know Yourself?

How Well Do You Know Yourself?

When it comes to finding direction in life it stands to reason that "knowing yourself" is a key factor in determining direction.

If you don't have a map that provides you with details and direction on how to find your way, intuition and random guessing supports your choices and decisions. Bottom line-- having a guide that directs you is more effective; especially when the guide -- comes directly from within.

So, let's say you want to map out a map that will enable you to "know yourself" better -- provide you with direction for your life.

What are some of the things you might need to accomplish creating the map?

Well-- you need specific tools such as:
Being able to:
  •  think
  •  question
  •  visualize
  •  imagine
  •  seeking
  •  reason
  •  evaluate
  •  go within
  •  reflect

All of the aforementioned skills will enable you with the ability to self-assess and develop yourself-- free of cost.

Next step:
Get a journal or a writting pad and write down your plan of action; then, start asking yourself insightful questions?

What are some of the questions you might ask yourself?
  • Who am I?
  • What are my strengths and abilities?
  • What are my likes and dislikes?
  • What are my weaknesses?
  • What makes me happy?
  • Who do I want to be?
  • What am I good at doing?
  • What environments do I funtion best in?

Asking yourself questions assesses who you are and provides you with a visual of "you." Once you can physically see the nature of "who you are" on paper, it provides you with a better understanding of yourself, and acts as a guide for further direction.
As you start to bear witness to "who you are" then, you can determine-- ok, what arena or medium can I create for myself or what profession can I apply myself within that is indicative of who I know myself to be?
What arena would enable me to contribute my greatness, skills, talents and abilities, and simultaneously make a difference in the lives of others?
Once you have a visual of "knowing yourself", how you would like to apply yourself, and in what arena you would like to flourish in, then you're ready for your plan of action!
Create your action plan
So, you now have a better sense of knowing yourself -- "who you are", and where you would like to apply yourself. Determine "what" you want/need to do and "where" you need to go in order to accomplish your plan of action. Then, do it! Carry it out.

***Remember to pray for direction as you go within!

Written by Betty Alark

Self Portrait by  Tom Genovese